


Tricked or Treated

by JoeMerl



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst and Humor, BAMF Minimoose, Dib & Zim Hate Each Other (Invader Zim), Dib Has Issues (Invader Zim), Dib has a mom but she's dead, Dib is So Done (Invader Zim), Dib-centric (Invader Zim), Frenemies Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Gen, Good Parent Professor Membrane, Halloween, Haunting, IC ZADF is basically ZADE, Mommy Issues, Mother-Son Relationship, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Zim is Bad at Feelings (Invader Zim)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:08:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27316783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeMerl/pseuds/JoeMerl
Summary: "Diiiiiiiiiib!"Dib's heart was pounding erratically now; he felt himself shaking to the tips of his fingers and toes. He licked his dry lips with a sandpaper tongue and called out, except that his cry came out as a soft, squeaky whisper from his rapidly constricting throat."...Mom?"On Halloween night, the Membrane household gets an unexpected visitor.
Relationships: Dib & Dib and Gaz Membrane's Mom, Dib & Professor Membrane, Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Gaz & Iggins, Minimoose & Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Tricked or Treated

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Fanfiction.net for Halloween 2008.
> 
> I'm only transferring my semi-decent stories over to this site, and I'm not sure if this one qualifies. At the very least I'm gonna edit it a bit. Also, the main story was originally three chapters, but I'm just combining them over here.

" _Grrr_...stay...down...you...stupid...scythy... _thing!_ "

Dib raked the comb brutally through his hair again, feeling the teeth cut into his scalp, and then froze as he finally managed to get his hair to lie flat. He turned his head slightly, admiring it in the mirror, shiny with hair gel and sauvely slicked back.

Dib gave a small smile and sighed. "Perfect," he muttered.

And immediately, his hair scythe sprung back into existence.

" _Grrr..._ "

Dib picked up his comb and, girning, went right on back to straightening it again. As he did so, he allowed his eyes to wander down his reflection to investigate the rest of his costume. A dark suit, last worn at Great-Aunt Agnes' funeral (Señor Diablo bless her soul), a blood-red tie, white shirt, gold medallion (which, despite what the mall wizardry shop owner claimed, did _not_ actually have any sort of magical power) and a triangular black cape in place of his usual trench coat.

A perfect Dracula, Dib thought. If only he could get his stupid _hair to stay down!_

Finally, it seemed to; he again removed the comb slowly from his hair, and when the scythe didn't pop up after a moment, he smiled at the mirror, baring fangs already in his mouth. And not any stupid glow-in-the-dark plastic things either-he'd used his dad's Dent-A-Grow machine to bio-engineer _real_ fangs, and then inserted them into his mouth in place of his usual front teeth. He had plenty of experience using it―between Gaz and Zim he'd found the opportunity to replace a lot of teeth. And Gaz had been only too happy to knock out his normal teeth for him when he asked for help with this costume.

As last year's foray into the horrible nightmare world had proven, Dib was willing to go to great lengths for a good Halloween costume. A holiday dedicated to the paranormal was something Dib _had_ to excell in.

And the skool costume contest's grand prize, a twenty-eight-pound bag full of candy, didn't hurt his enthusiasm either.

Dib bent down and pulled his cape across his face, leaving his eyes to glare out at the mirror. "Bleh, _bleh!_ I am Count Dibula! I vant to suck your brainblood! _Bleh!_ "

"You sound pathetic!" Gaz called up from the kitchen below him.

Dib scowled, straightening up and dropping his arm and cape. "Put a cork in it, Tinkerbell!" he called irritably, scowling beyond the opened bathroom door.

It was an unusually bold comment for Dib, who thought that only Gaz was capable of growling so low and being heard through the solid wood floor. Thankfully there was no retaliation; instead she simply snapped "I'm leaving!" and a moment later he heard the front door slam. Gaz would spend the next few hours wandering around the neighborhood in her fairy princess costume, glaring at the each house's owner as she demanded her tribute candy.

Dib rolled his eyes at the thought and returned to the mirror. He opened his mouth and gently prodded the fangs with his tongue. "Bleh, _bleh!_ " he muttered, practicing his Dracula accent. "Your blood! I vant to suck your blood! _Bleh! Bleh bleh bl―_ "

" _Diiiiiiib..._ "

"― _eh?_ " Dib looked up, startled, frowning. "Who is that?"

This he called out to the house. He poked his head out of the bathroom, his eyebrows lowered in confusion.

He waited a minute; he could hear a small sound, almost like a soft echo. He stepped out of the bathroom, walking haltingly down the stairs. "Gaz?"

No response for a moment. Then:

" _Diiiiiiib..._ "

"Dad?" He reached the bottom stair, looking around in confusion. "Are you home? The costume contest isn't for a few more hours..."

" _Diiiiiiib!_ "

Suddenly all the lights went out―Dib jumped and spun around, staring back up the stairs. He looked around wildly, his heart suddenly pounding beneath that funereal suit he was wearing. He thought immediately of demons, poltergeists, and all the other things that were supposed to come out on Halloween night-"Could it be?" he wondered aloud, eyes scanning the room as they adjusted to the dark. "Some sort of―something? Actually coming here? On Halloween? That's just so cliché...Hello!" he called to the house at large, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. "Is anyone there? Are you a ghost? Or a-hideous moose-demon or werepig or-something?"

For a long moment there was no answer. Then he heard the voice again. " _Diiiiiiiiiib!_ " It was longer this time, more drawn-out, and louder; and suddenly, as he heard it, Dib froze completely, feeling his blood turn to ice in his suddenly skipping heart.

He knew that voice...didn't he? It seemed so familiar...but it had been years, how could he be sure, he couldn't even remember...

" _Diiiiiiiiiib!_ "

Dib's heart was pounding erratically now; he felt himself shaking to the tips of his fingers and toes. He licked his dry lips with a sandpaper tongue and called out, except that his cry came out as a soft, squeaky whisper from his rapidly constricting throat.

"...Mom?"

* * *

" _Diiiiiiiiiib..._ "

"Mom?!" He spun around now, searching wildly. "Mom, is that you?!"

" _Diiiiiiiiiib..._ "

It sounded like it was coming from upstairs now. Dib paused, not breathing, mind running in place, struggling and yet unable to get anywhere―and then without thinking he brought one trembling foot to the next step, and began to slowly climb towards the voice.

" _Diiiiiiiiiib..._ "

"I'm coming!" he called, his voice faltering a bit, breath shaky. His hand was slippery on the banister as he reached the top of the stairs, peering down the dark hallways for the source of the voice. "Where are you?!"

There was a moment of silence. Then, " _Diiiiiiiiiib..._ "

"Come on, Mom, I could really use you to be a bit more expressive," Dib muttered, slowing make his way down the hallway, one hand on the wall to help him find his way. His hair had started to come undone again―his scythe was not quite sticking up, but it was half-risen into a slanted angle over his scalp. His vampire medallion thudded against his pounding heart with each step; he licked his dry lips again, nearly cutting his tongue on his fangs.

" _Diiiiiiiiiib..._ "

The voice was coming from his room...the same room, he thought now with even more violent tremors, where she had used to tuck him in at night, read him bedtime stories, reassured him that no, there were no chupacabras hiding under the bed...

His door was slightly ajar...and, despite the power failure, he could see some kind of glowing whiteness inside it. Dib's knees knocked together...he could barely move, he was shaking so hard...

" _Diiiiiiiiiib..._ " Louder, more entreating...

With a mixed feeling of desire and dread Dib wrapped his hand slowly around the doorknob...

" _Diiiiiiiiiib..._ " Softer, almost a whisper...

...he slowly pushed it open with an unbearably loud _crrreeeeeaaaaak..._

...He took a small step forward, craning his head before him into the room, feeling as if a huge lead weight were pressing on his chest, making it difficult to breathe...

...And there she was.

The figure was standing―or floating―in front of Dib's open window, radiating a mysterious pearly glow. Dib drew a sharp gasp as he saw her-was that her? It had been so long, he barely had any pictures...but it was, wasn't it? His heart seemed to suddenly swell up to his throat while his stomach seemed to drop down into his feet. Even his trembling froze (mostly) as he stared at her, fanged mouth slightly agape, hardly able to believe what he could see right in front of his eyes.

"Mom," he said, his voice a tiny sigh of relief.

" _Diiiiiiiiiib..._ "

Dib took a step towards her―he wanted to hug her, to touch her, not caring whether his hands simply passed through her or not, he just wanted to really be close to her for the first time in a decade-

When suddenly her head expanded to twice its normal size.

"Whuh?!"

Dib jumped back, the spell of his mother's presence suddenly broken-and watched as her head continued to expand, suddenly becoming massive, filling the room, her face stretched taut, her bright eyes and smiling mouth huge and grotesque for a moment-and then suddenly there was a loud _BANG!_ like a gunshot, and as he stumbled backwards he felt pieces of her hit his face, felt the huge rush of air fill the room-

"What the-"

" _Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!_ " came a voice screaming from outside his window-Dib looked up in shock. "Now _that_ looks like your mother, doesn't it, Dib-beast! _Mwee-hee-hee-hee._ "

Dib rushed to the open window and thrust his head out, mouth open in horror and amazement. Zim was sitting on a branch right outside his window, laughing uproariously, his stupid little robot thing rolling around with glee halfway between him and Dib's face. His weird floating moose thing hovered slightly behind him, letting out soft, indistinct squeaks as it surveyed the scene.

"Ha HA!" Zim cried triumphantly, wiping a tear from his eye and pointing dramatically at Dib. "I have tricked-or-treated you, Dib-stink! I-and you thought- _mwa-ha-ha!_ " He laughed again, throwing back his head, as his robot gave a "HEE-HEE-HEE!" and rolled around even harder, not entirely sure what they were even laughing about but enjoying it all the same.

Dib gaped at the group for a moment, mouth open, trembling again, but this time with an utter, unimaginable, horrible rage. He felt burning tears of grief and humiliation form in the back of his eyes-his lip curled back into an enraged, fanged snarl, as his fingers tightened around the windowsill he was holding―

_"GRRR-AAAGGGHHH!"_

He spun around back into his room, looking for something, anything―and his eyes fell on the tank of water next to his terrarium, the remains of his goldfish Nessie still floating near the top. Without thinking he grabbed it and stormed back over to his window, throwing the water out onto the tree branch. Zim let out a scream and fell sizzling and smoking to the ground, hitting another branch on the way down to land with a crash two stories below them. GIR followed after him, landing with a painful _CRACK_ onto Zim's alien spine.

"You can be a real asshole sometimes, you know that, Zim?!" Dib screamed, spittle flying from between his fangs. He hurled the empty goldfish tank out the window, completely missing Zim's fallen form. Then, with a loud roar of anger covering up a slight, almost silent sob, he slammed the window shut and stormed away, vampire cape fluttering behind him.

Minimoose, the only one of the three to have escaped the Dib-monster's wrath, floated down from the tree to where his fallen master and GIR lay face-down on the yard. Zim looked up, spitting out dirt, green skin raw and burnt, faux hyuman eyes loose as glared through them to the window above. "What is _his_ problem?!" he cried in a shriek of anger and indignation.

Minimoose gave a squeak that sounded almost like a sigh as he floated down to help his master stand.

* * *

The door burst open. "WHOOOOO!" Professor Membrane cried, coming in and wiggling his fingers in a _spooooky_ manner. "Happy Halloween, son! I'm here to take you to your costume contest. I―"

_CRACK._

Membrane looked up; Dib was sitting on the couch, looking morose. He had the bowl of trick-or-treaters' candy in his lap, with empty candy wrappers littered all around him. He chewed something in a depressed sort of way, swallowed, then tossed another jawbreaker into his mouth, using one vampire fang to break it with another loud _CRACK!_

"Why, son! Why the long face?" Membrane asked, putting his hands on his hips and looking concerned. Or he would have been, anyway, if his face were more visible.

Dib chewed, silent for a moment, then hesitated before answering. "No reason."

"Well, get up, son! You don't want to be late for your _COSTUME CONTEST_ , do you?!"

"No."

"Then get up!"

"No, I mean, _no,_ Dad. I don't want to go!" He threw the candy bowl down onto the coffee table, sending a few of the empty wrapped around him falling to the floor. He crossed his arms, glowering like a petulant child.

"What?! But why not, son?"

Dib didn't answer. Instead he just reached down and tossed another jawbreaker into his mouth.

"Come on, son! Let me help you."

Dib muttered something about "Zim made fun of me."

Ah. It was his little foreign friend again. Those two always were getting into fights, it seemed. "Well, son," Membrane said dramatically, raising one finger, "you cannot allow the mockery of others to get in the way of what you want to do. Why, if I had done that, I would have given up on Super-Toast the first time those _fools_ were complaining about _exploding toasters and butter burns!_ " His voice momentarily flared up in anger before returning to its usual affability. "The point is, even if your little foreign friend made fun of your costume or something, you must go and compete, to prove your ideas to the world!"

Dib was silent for a moment, chewing on the last few bits of candy in his mouth. The thought of going to the Halloween party at skool was dead depressing, and the possibility of running into Zim there made his face burn with shame; but now his hands balled into fists, and he suddenly had a strong urge to go to spite Zim, and, if the opportunity arose, to punch him right in the nose. Or the blank spot on his face where his nose should have been, anyway.

"Yeah. Okay, Dad." He wiped a few candy wrappers from his lap and jumped off the couch, still looking moody and sullen.

* * *

"Stupid, stupid Dib-hyuman!"

Zim kicked angrily at a can on the sidewalk, fuming. GIR trotted beside him on a leash while Minimoose floated beside his ear. Or where his ear should have been. Again, you know what I mean. Already the earliest trick-or-treaters were out, but he passed by them without looking; his eyes were on the ground, only looking up every few moments for another wild gestural move.

"How dare he throw disgusting fishy water at me and break my spine. HOW DARE HE! Who does he think he is?"

" _Squeak,_ " Minimoose said, bobbing down near to Zim's shoulder.

 _"Pffft._ So what?! He is just jealous, that's all. Jealous that the _amazing Zim!_ had managed to trick-or-treat him with my amazing Zimmy powers of...er...I AM ZIM!"

" _Squeak._ "

Zim's head snapped around to glare at him. "What do you mean?!"

" _Squeak._ "

"'Too far?' _Is your brain filled with cray-zees?!_ How on Irk did I 'go too far?'"

" _Squeak!_ "

"So what I made fun of his stupid not-alive-no-more parental unit? Big deal! Why shouldn't I?"

" _Squeak,_ " Minimoose said, in a very significant tone.

Zim sputtered. "Whah―I don't see― _leave her out of this!_ "

" _Squeak!_ "

"Alright, fine! I would not like it if the Dib-hyuman made fun of my beloved cold, unfeeling robot arm, but that's beside the point! That's-completely different!"

" _Squeak!_ "

" _WHAT?! A-POL-O-GIIIZE?!_ " Zim stopped walking and spun around to face him; GIR, not noticing, kept walking and fell down when the leash pulled him back. "You _are_ filled with crazies! I will not apologize!" He crossed his arms and turned away.

" _Squeak!_ "

"No!"

" _Squeak!_ "

"NO!"

" _Squeak!_ "

"Nuh―" He spun around to face him, but suddenly his eyes went wide. He took a shaky step back. "Uh...Minimoose...wh-what are you planning to do with that...?"

* * *

"Hey, great costume!"

"Oh, wow, what are you supposed to be?"

"Neat!"

Dib leaned sullenly against one wall of the skool gymnasium, which had been decorated with spiderwebs, black streamers, and a Halloween mummy which Dib couldn't help but think looked suspiciously real (not to mention a lot like the guidance counselor who had served before Mr. Dwicky). "The Scary Smash" was blaring from speakers by the stage on the other side of the room; to Dib's right were tables set up with food, punch and candy, while the other side had Halloween activities like apple-bobbing, face painting, and conversations with Ms. Bitters about one's future careers. Kids were running around, laughing and talking and admiring each others' costumes, while Dib stayed off to the side, still feeling gloomy.

"Hey, Dib buddy!"

He turned; Keef waddled up to him, grinning (as always) and wearing a large Jack-o'-lantern outfit. His tuft of red hair was covered by a little stem-like hat held on by a rubber band. For some reason he also had a black eye, but given his annoyingness that was hardly unusual.

"That's a great costume!" He grinned enthusiastically, his teeth covered with bits of chocolate and candy. "Are you gonna enter the contest?!"

"Er―I guess," Dib muttered. The idea of twenty-eight pounds of candy now seemed a lot more sour than it had a few hours ago.

"Well, you should!" Keef said, nodding vigorously. He looked around. "Anyway, I gotta go―I'm supposed to be watching my little brother. He gets _REAL_ hyper if he has too much candy! Bye!" And he scurried off, barely able to move in his puffy orange costume.

The music stopped for a moment; Mr. Elliot, dressed up in a purple wizard robe covered in stars, had taken up a microphone on the makeshift stage.

"Alright, kiddies! It's just a few minutes 'til the costume contest! All participants need to line up by the stage so the judges can get ready to see your nice little outfits."

He walked away; "Cyclops Cannibal Monster Thingy" came back on, and kids began to rush forward to be judged.

Dib stood to go join them, hesitated, then sighed. He really wasn't in the mood to go up on stage and try to impress anyone with his "Count Dibula" routine. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned and began to walk through the crowd towards the door, thinking of spending the rest of the Halloween party moping in the hallway. He squeezed himself between Frankenstein-Chunk and Bodybuilder-Torque, nearly got bowled over by an insane little blue-haired boy running around in his underwear with a beady black nose, whiskers and a candy bar in each hand, and was about to push open the door when he heard a voice calling from behind him.

"Uh-uh―Dib-stink!" _TSSST!_ " _YOW_! I mean, uh― _Dib_! Halt your walking!"

He turned; Zim was scurrying across to room to him, standing out even more than usual for his lack of any kind of costume. (Well, unless his usual lame disguise counted.) He was dragging what appeared to be a green dog behind him by a leash; the dog was sliding across the floor on its backside and seemed to be rather enjoying the ride. Floating by his head was a small toy airplane. With antlers. One of which had snapped open and had a ray gun sticking out directly at Zim's head.

Zim reached Dib; he froze, then hesitated, casting a quick look between Dib and the moose. "So, um―uh... _Dib._ A-hem." Zim looked significantly away. "...Horrible weather we've been having, isn't it?"

The moose-plane squeaked, and the little ray gun drew closer to Zim's head. The alien's faux eyes widened and he quickly turned back to Dib, a nervous, forced smile on his face. Dib glared. "What do you want, Zim?"

"I would like to...er..." His eye began to twitch dangerously; Minimoose pushed the gun barrel even harder against his temple. " _I would like to apologize for what I did earlier,_ " Zim spat out, very quickly and apparently with great effort, a disgusted look upon his face.

Dib gaped. "You what?"

"I said I would like to... _a-pol-o-giiiize,_ " Zim repeated, sticking out his tongue for a moment as if the words had left an unpleasant taste. "I did not realize that looking up a photograph of your very-sadly not-alive mother, creating an inflatable automaton version of her and convincing you it was her ghost would upset you so much. Please, er...forgive me...or something."

He shot a quick look at Minimoose, wondering if that would be enough to satisfy the insane little thing. Dib just glared, arms crossed over his chest. When he spoke, it was in a surprisingly calm, deadpan voice. "You didn't realize that making me think my dead mother's spirit had returned from the dead to speak with me, and then having it expand to mammoth size and explode in my face, might be upsetting to me?"

Zim scoffed. "Well, how was I _supposed_ to?"

Dib was silent for a moment, his closed mouth moving as if he were chewing his tongue, and when he spoke it was still calmly, but with a powerful undercurrent of barely-suppressed rage. It reminded Zim horribly of Gaz. "You're a real bastard, you know that, Zim?"

"Whuh―I'm _apologizing!_ " he cried, putting his fingers to his chest.

"You call this an apology?!" Dib screamed, now taking on his usual yelling-at-Zim tone.

"I said I was sorry!"

"You're only apologizing because a robotic _moose_ is holding a _gun_ to your head!"

"That's beside the point! Now accept my apology!"

" _No!_ " Dib yelled, pushing Zim hard in the chest.

" _Accept it!_ " And Zim pushed him back.

" _No!_ " Push again.

" _Accept it!_ "

" _No!_ "

" _ACCEPT IT_ " And Zim pushed him back.

" _NO!_ "

"GAH!"

" _Squeak!_ "

Minimoose was thrown through the air as Zim and Dib leaped at each other―the dog leash fell out of Zim's hand and GIR went off running through the crowd, giggling insanely, oblivious as the two combatants fell to the floor and began to wrestle furiously, punching and scratching and kicking at any part of the other they could reach.

" _Hey! Dib and Zim are fighting! ...Again._ "

" _Yaaay!_ "

The fighters rolled around on the floor, snarling furiously at one another, as a few of the closer kids, ignoring the costume judging up on the stage, turned to watch the battle. Assorted cheers rose up for each combatant, along with far more cheers of general approval at the idea of them fighting, but the two were mostly ignorant of anything around them―they seemed more enraged at each other than any of the spectators had ever seen them before.

" _Accept my apology!_ "

" _NO!_ "

A few of the kids thought they saw, very briefly, something long and metal-looking snap out of Zim's backpack and stab at Dib―Dib felt the powerful and sudden electric shock the PAK-leg shot to his skin, but he didn't release Zim, but instead, in a sudden flash of inspiration, bit down, hard, on Zim's shoulder with his vampire teeth and kneed him in a place that, if he were a human, would have hurt a lot, though Zim seemed strangely immune―

Zim let out a scream and managed to throw Dib off, sending him flying into the refreshment tables, toppling them, sending candy and little weenies flying and splashing Dib with blood-red punch―

"Um, excuse me!" Mr. Elliot called from the stage; Jessica, who had been explaining the features of her faux-Pharaonic crown, scowled. "What's going on back there?" He craned his neck trying to see over the throngs of students to whatever was causing such a commotion.

Zim went flying through the air, knocking Ms. Bitters witch hat off as he crashed onto the stage―Mr. Elliot jumped aside as the contestants scattered. With a cry of rage Dib had leaped onto the stage after him, and as Zim tried to stagger to his feet Dib shouldered him hard back against the wall―

"Kids! Kids! Stop it, stop it!" Mr. Elliot cried.

To Zim's growing horror, though, the Dib-monkey could not be dissuaded, and his fist flew around his face, pounding him where his ears should be and knocking him to the floor―Zim felt something fall from his face―

Dib let out a roar and rushed at Zim's fallen form, but felt himself freeze in midair―he kicked and punched impotently like a beserker, but Mr. Elliot was holding him up by the scruff of his neck and he was unable to reach his target. Mr. Elliot's other hand (wow, Dib thought vaguely, he's stronger than he looks) had pulled Zim off the floor by the collar of his red shirt-tunic-thingy, and he held the two combatants, one battle-mad, the other drawing back a bit fearfully, as far apart as he could.

"Now, kids, this is not appropriate behavior! Now, I want you two to―" He suddenly blinked, staring at Zim. "What...?"

Zim froze, looking over to the audience, who were also gazing at him. His antennae rose slightly in surprise, and he―

Wait a second.

His hand slowly moved up to his head, and touched, not hair, but the tops of his two antennae. The hand slowly moved down to his eyes, and he could tell by touch that the occular implants had fallen out―he could even see them now, on the floor, through beetle-like eyes visible to all the pitiful stink-beasts in the audience and stage.

"Uh-oh."

"Let me―let me go, Mr. Elliot-gah-sklah-shmeh-doom-" For once Dib was not taking an opportunity to shout out Zim's obvious alien-ness to the world-he was still thrashing and swiping at the air, trying desperately to tear Zim's _real_ eyes out to join the fake ones on the floor.

"Oh, I get it!" Mr. Elliot said suddenly, chuckling to himself. "You two are entering the contest _together!_ "

"Hyeh?" Zim said, rising one exposed red eye. Dib simply continued struggling against Mr. Elliot's hold on his neck in his attempt to get at Zim's.

Mr. Elliot laughed. "It's like that new movie, _Alien vs. Dracula._ You two were acting it out. How clever!"

"KILL!" Dib screamed, eyes bulging, arms held out and clawing the air before him. "Kill-slash-maim-doom-die-weasels-slaughter- _PAIN_!" Again Zim couldn't help but notice the resemblance to Gaz. Except for the complete and utter lack of any control, of course.

"Well, I think costumes this creative deserve first prize!" Mr. Elliot cried, releasing the two-fortunately for Zim, Dib finally stopped trying to kill him, but glared at him with a look worthy of the real Dracula. "Let's all give a big hand for Dib and Zim, everybody!"

A huge cheer came up from the crowd―less for their "costumes" than for how awesome they all thought the fight had been―while the actual contestants looked shocked and furious. Mr. Elliot bustled away and returned a moment later with two cheapy store-bought blue ribbons, while two other teachers came behind him carrying the huge twenty-eight pound bag of candy between them, dropping it down between the two winners.

"Heh-heh." Zim gave an awkward little wave to the cheering crowd as Mr. Elliot attached the ribbon to his shirt, then shot a look at Dib, whose hands were still balled into fists at his side, face down and glaring. His outfit was dirty and torn, his hair even more disheveled than usual, the white shirt under his suit stained with punch. Zim knew he probably looked even worse. "Well, I, uh...guess we shall call it a tie, Dib-hyuman?"

Dib didn't speak for a moment. Zim frowned. Finally Dib growled, "Let me have your half of the candy and we'll call it even."

"Agreed," Zim said quickly. He couldn't eat that filthy hyuman sugar anyway.

Suddenly the bag of candy shook. Everybody on the stage looked up, startled. Then it burst open, and along with an avalanche of sweets came a screeching, giggling little green dog that was stuffing the candy, wrappers and all, into its mouth. Minimoose seemed to be half-buried in the treats himself, hiding or eating Dib couldn't tell.

"CANDY!" GIR cried, tossing handfuls into the air and rolling around with utter delight.

Somebody screamed.

" _Aaaggghhh!_ It's that horrible monster-dog that attacked us all last Halloween!"

" _RUN!_ "

Everybody ran screaming towards the door, leaving a terrified Zim, glaring Dib, hiding Minimoose and insanely happy GIR on the stage.


	2. Bonus Chapter: Poop Mondo Diarrhea Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Gaz was doing that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty pointless but I hope that you like it.
> 
> ~~There's actually a second bonus chapter on the FF.net version, but it's even _more_ pointless so I'm not bringing it over.~~

"Trick-or-treat!"

Gaz walked by in her adorable pink fairy princess outfit, glaring around at all the stupid little kids being paraded around by their parents from house to house. It was still early, when it was mostly the five-year-olds who were making the rounds, but she had a reason to head out so soon. She wanted to make sure she got what she wanted before it was gone.

And what she wanted was a Poop Mondo Diarrhea Bar.

It was the ultimate in Poop candy. A bit bigger than the average candy bar, chocolate, with bits of chocolate chips mixed in with a thin, creamy fudge that _oozed_ when you took a bite, dribbling down your chin, somehow always warm on your tongue...well, just the thought of it was enough to make Gaz's eyes open in ecstatic pleasure, make her tongue ache for the delicious chocolaty taste that no mere mortal, not even she, could resist.

But getting the Diarrhea Bars could be a problem. Not many people stocked them-they were expensive for a candy bar, though completely worth the price. And of course, once it was known which houses were giving them out, everybody would immediately rush them-the neighborhood would be cleared of them if she waited too late.

And so, while Dib was upstairs putting on his _stupid_ Dracula costume, she stormed out of the house to begin her search.

_Ding-dong._

"Trick-or-treat," Gaz growled, eyes narrowed, bag held out open before her.

" _OH!_ And aren't you just the _cutest little thing!_ " the woman in the doorway gushed, smiling one of those unnaturally wide smiles that made Gaz's face screw up in furious disgust.

"Just give me the candy," Gaz muttered in her low, threatening tone.

"Okay!" The woman reached into her candy bowl and dropped a big handful into Gaz's bag. "Happy Halloween, sweety!" She shut the door, laughing, and walked back into the house.

Gaz glanced down into her bag. Inside was nothing more than a collection of lollipops. Disgusted, she emptied the bag onto the woman's front stoop and marched off. Ten houses so far, and not one had what she wanted...

" _HEY GAZ!_ "

She sighed. "Oh, great."

An oversized pumpkin was waddling down the street, dragging along a younger boy dressed in a ridiculous bunny outfit, including a horribly adorable black nose with whiskers. They came to a stop in front of her, both grinning insanely.

"Happy Halloween, Gaz! Are you having fun?!"

She didn't answer for a moment. "No," she said, in a completely deadpan tone.

Keef frowned. "Really? Why not?"

"Keef?" The younger boy, clearly not interested in his brother's conversation, pulled on Keef's costume, skipping from one foot to the other. "Can I have just _one_ piece of candy? Pretty-pretty-please?"

"No, Meef. I'm sorry," and he sounded it, "but Mom says not until we're home and we can get you into the containment cell." He turned back to Gaz, suddenly brightening. "Hey, I have an idea! If you're not having fun, why don't you come trick-or-treat with Meef and me instead?!"

"... _No._ "

"Aw, come on! We always have a _great_ time!" He suddenly reached out and grabbed Gaz's hand and started to pull her along after him. Gaz's eyes widened at the audacity of the act. "First we can hit the rest of this street, and then we-"

_POUND!_

Keef went flying through the air, letting out a cry of pain and surprise-Meef let out a squeal and let go of his brother's hand, falling off to the side, while Keef crashed into a tree and crumbled, his candy bag spilling out onto the ground. Gaz cracked her knuckles and turned to go.

But then something sailing in the wind caught her eye.

She spun around as the slight object, which had fallen out of Keef's bag, settled soft to the ground. Gaz snatched it up and stared. Her eyes went wide, and her mouth opened slightly.

"A Poop Mondo Diarrhea Bar wrapper," she whispered.

Keef let out a moan. Gaz ignored his pain but spun around to face him, holding up the empty wrapper. "Where did you get this?"

"Huh?" He looked up, blinking blearily. "Uh-Zita's house. You know, the O'Neals'? They live down on Maple-"

Without another word Gaz dropped the wrapper and hurried down the street. The wrapper blew on another gust of wind back over to Keef. He picked it up and frowned.

"But...wait. I only hate half of this. I was saving the other half for- _MEEF, STOP!_ "

Meef froze, the second half of the Diarrhea Bar halfway to his mouth. He quickly shoved it back into his bunny suit, smiling at his brother in a very guilty sort of way.

Gaz rushed across the streets, ignoring every house, until finally her destination came into view. She sped up, pounding across the road, fairy wings fluttering behind her-she reached the walkway up to the front door-

-when suddenly somebody pushed her from behind, knocking her to the ground.

She fell onto the grass, the scent of dirt filling her nose and mouth, and her face twisted into a horrible girn as she looked up at the group of children passing, one of whom had _dared_ to push her so roughly to the earth. She brushed dirt off of her dress and watched as they called "Trick-or-treat!," and as the house's owner dropped candy into each of their bags. Then the group hurried off, talking excitedly. Gaz's grimaced even more and ran up, grabbing the front door just as the woman standing there was about to close it.

"What the-"

"Trick-or-treat," Gaz grumbled, holding out her empty bag.

The woman opened the door again and looked down at Gaz with a slightly haughty stare. She knew her costume was probably dirty and disheveled, but she hardly cared-this woman would not _dare_ to deny her, not if she didn't want something _horrible_ to befall her constantly for the rest of her mortal days!

"I'm sorry," the woman said. "We're all out of candy."

Gaz stared. "All...out?" Her eye twitched in a _horrible_ sort of way.

"Yes. I gave out our last candy bar to-well, _that_ boy over there."

She pointed back out at the kids who had come before her, indicated the one who had pushed Gaz. She stared in disbelief-a look that quickly turned to rage. Push _her_ down, and then take the Poop Mondo Diarrhea Bar that was rightfully hers?! She didn't think so!

Without another word to the woman, Gaz turned and ran down the street, adorable little pink ballerina slippers pounding on the asphalt. In mere moments she was behind the group. The boy Zita's mother had indicated was straggling near the back-he was a short, stocky boy with wild hair beneath a red cap, dressed in red overalls, a blue shirt and carrying a lead pipe in one hand. He was talking to a similarly overweight but slightly taller boy wearing a dark cloak, who was screeching insanely.

" _Eugh!_ But what if-"

"Oh, you worry too much, Jack!" the shorter boy was saying. He reached up, the hand with the pipe also clutching something dark and rectangular. " _I_ don't care what your Uncle Bill says, _I'm_ not going to pass up this kind of candy just because of some stupid candy fairies or whatever-"

"Hey, you!"

Both boys stopped and spun around, the taller one with a shriek of fear. Gaz's gaze settled on the former. She pointed dramatically.

"You took my Poop Mondo Diarrhea Bar." Her face twisted horribly. "Give it to me."

"What?!" the boy scoffed, brandishing the candy bar and staring at her in disbelief. "There's no _way_ I'm going to give this candy bar to _you,_ why should I, when-"

He froze in midsentence. A cloud had just moved slightly through the sky, allowing a thin beam of moonlight to fall over Gaz's face. His eyes went wide. He took a shaky step back.

"Y-you..."

He gaped at her in horror for a moment. Then Iggins let out a scream, threw up his pipe, bag and Poop Mondo Bar, spun around and ran. Jack turned and ran after him. " _Sugar fairies! EUGH!_ "

They vanished after their group into the night. Gaz paused, then bent down and picked up the rectangular item Iggins had been holding from the ground. She eyed it hungrily, mouth watering.

Finally, it was hers.

She ripped the Poop Mondo Diarrhea Bar open, then took a slow, luxurious bite. _Oh._ The chocolaty goo oozed out onto her tongue, chocolate chips crunching under her teeth...she allowed the taste to settle there for a moment, the endorphins exploding in her brain, then turned with her prize and began to walk down the street towards home.

"Totally worth it," she sighed, taking another delicious bite.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus chapter coming tomorrow.
> 
> I hope that you enjoyed my subpar work from twelve years ago, and thanks in advance for any comments/etc.!


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